GOD'S WIFE

The Story of a Sex Worker

July 13, 2004

Angel Desert

I was working on a few scenes with a girl named Cindy, a stranger, and Johnny Boyle. I wasn't sure what movie it was for this time. We were filming at Bernard's house. He lived high in the Hollywood hills in a huge house that looked over the city lights with a built in bar and leopard-skin furniture and gold statues of naked women on the front walkway. Tacky, but slightly ironic.

I wanted to meet Cindy before we started filming. I always liked to get to know a person a little before shooting. Johnny Boyle was off with Bernard and Jay having drinks on the porch. Cindy was upstairs taking a bath in a bathtub big enough for three people. I knew this because I'd done a scene in it. I went up the gold-carpeted stairs to meet her.

I knocked softly and peeked inside.

"Who is it?" Cindy asked, sing-song.

"It's Shirley," I said and opened the door with a creak and walked in.

Cindy was lying in clear water. She was bleached blonde and deep tan and was looking seriously at the water.

She looked up at me. "Far out," she said.

"I just wanted to meet you."

"OK, I'm Cindy," she said and giggled.

"I thought I'd get to know something about you before we work together," I said.

"Far out," she replied.

I sat on the counter by the sink.

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"I'm from here. I mean, not here in these hills. This is the most beautiful house I've ever seen." She stopped and stared at the water.

"So where are you from?" I said.

"I'm from the valley."

"Oh yeah?"

"I hate saying that though. Most people hate the valley. They think the valley's a dirty word."

"I don't know about that. I know a lot of people from the valley."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't feel bad about it."

This made her happy. "Far out," she said.

She splashed lightly in the water for a few minutes rinsing herself off, whistling softly. She had a perfect, tan body, a vacant sweetness.

"So how'd you end up here?" I asked.

"Here in this bathtub, or here on this movie?"

"On the movie."

Her eyes opened wide with shock. Then she slackened and said, "I've always thought about doing movies. I've been stripping for three years at the Ventura Palace? I've been having a great time. But I thought movies would be so, so much better, you know?"

"Yes."

"But I didn't know where to look about doing movies. Finally, somebody approached me about it." She picked up a breast with one hand and looked at it. "There's something so glamorous about the movies, you know. It's like stripping, but like, it's on video so more people can see it."

"Sure," I said.

"It's more like real acting." She set down her breast. "I don't have my stage name yet though," she said. "I thought about calling myself Angel Desert. You know, how Los Angeles is called the City of Angels and it's also hot like a desert? But there are already so many Angels working that I don't know if I'm going to use that. I may go by Cindy with a s-i-n or something."

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Nineteen."

"I'm twenty-three," I said.

"Far out," she said. "There is one thing I'm worried about. I just hope this doesn't come between me and my boyfriend. He could deal with the stripping because I wasn't really touching anyone. But doing movies has been a dream I've had for a really long time, from before I knew him even, so I can't let that bother me. But, you know, I love him and he loves me so I think we can deal with it." She took a deep breath and went under water and came back up glistening.

"Your boyfriend doesn't mind you sleeping with other guys?"

"Well, he knows that I love him and when I fuck him we make love, and when I'm in a movie that's just sex. I don't get the same high as when I'm with Kirk."

"Kirk?"

"My boyfriend."

"I hope it works out for you."

"I do too. It's all pretty far out. But he knows it's something I really want to do, something I've always wanted to do, so he's standing by me. We're just going to have to comfort each other a whole lot more. He knows that if I'm having an orgasm in a movie that that's just acting."

"Well, I wish you luck."

"Thank you," Far Out said.

I really did wish her luck because it was something I thought I could never do myself. Since my first interview with Bernard, I hadn't had a boyfriend. I was too caught up in work. I had broken off with my last boyfriend, a very dull stereo salesman named Stan, who I only kept around for companionship, someone to keep around so I wouldn't have to eat meals alone. I broke up with him the night I was assaulted at the Sizzler. Most people in the industry had boyfriends or spouses also in the industry because they were the only people who really understood what it was like. You could tell an outsider that the sex wasn't real, it was just mechanical, and he would say he believed you, but part of him would always get jealous. "Don't you enjoy it at all?" he might ask. And you would have to answer, "Sure, it's still sex. But that doesn't mean anything. It's just a feeling. It's not love." Which was exactly what Far Out was saying to her boyfriend and exactly the kind of conversation I didn't want to be having.

I did the scenes with Johnny Boyle and Far Out, and then with Johnny and Far Out together. Far Out and I made out aggressively. Like any porn makeout scene, our tongues were stiff as swords. Softening the tongue, relaxing any of the muscles in the body, would have been too much of a surrender.

Later, Ram Baker showed up. He was 6-5 and blonde with a mustache and the muscled body of a sculpture and a Gods-gift-to-women ego. I ended up doing a double penetration scene with him and Johnny Boyle. He had just come from a scene with Far Out. That's the way it was. A day at the office.

8 Comments:

  • At 5:05 PM, Blogger Lady Charisse said…

    Wow...


    ...I totally understand what you mean about the boyfriend thing...sex is sex...love is different. Simple for some to understand, hard for others.

    I wish you luck with getting a boyfriend, when you decide you want to get one for more than just companionship to while away the loneliness.

     
  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger John Psmyth said…

    I like Far Out's rising intonation, the question-less ?s.

    Very true to life.

     
  • At 2:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What took you so long to post? Shirley you are already in my Fav's section, I have always, not always but some time to this day, wondered what was it like? I am not a Porn consumer but am interested in what you have to say. I agree that I will never have an idea what sex feels like to a porn industrie colaborator, but neither of what a heroine high - or low - is. Just to let you know that I will be comming back for more.
    RP

     
  • At 4:09 AM, Blogger forbonzio said…

    hey, i really enjoy reading your site... just wanted to drop a line. keep up the good work.

     
  • At 7:35 PM, Blogger sinsulita said…

    You captured the empty essence well. Keep it up.

     
  • At 1:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Great as usual, Shirley. Keep it up, the writing is excellent.

    Affekex123@hotmail.com

     
  • At 3:58 PM, Blogger DanceFan said…

    Best story yet. I would like to have seen the scenes with you and Angel. Wonder if I have?

     
  • At 12:28 AM, Anonymous pro.d.igy said…

    una perspicacia a su mundo no es por lo general una reflexión verdadera de su espejo de pensamientos, y así uno puede decir nunca que que usted piensa y lo que usted cosecha es por lo general lo que usted siembra.

     

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