The Story of a Sex Worker

August 13, 2004

Family Life

One of the reasons I took the leap into hooking in New York was to give the finger to my parents just like I had in junior high school by sleeping with their friends' sons. The same went with porn. Though there was something much more gratifying about working in porn. With porn I was giving the finger to the whole world.

So, all this said, I wasn't much looking forward to going to Florida and seeing family. My father hadn't beat me since I was seventeen and before that, maybe once a year since fifteen. The broken arm scared him a little. But I hadn't forgiven him. I never would. I did like my grandmother and was sad to hear she was dying. I wanted to see her one last time.

I couldn't leave for a couple of days. There were a couple of jobs I had been hired for that I had to do. I drove to Bernard's house.

Far Out greeted me warmly at the door. "Hey, Shirl, great to see you," she said and gave me a big hug.

We went into the living room and sat on red-wooden chairs with soft cushions.

"How's your boyfriend doing?" I asked.

"He's fine. He's good. He's the reason things are going so well. We watched a movie I was in with Ram Baker and Ivy Falls and he didn't get upset. He said it actually turned him on."

"That's good," I said.

I looked onto the porch. Bernard was standing over a grill and being passed meat from Ram Baker. Jenny Highsmith and Ivy Falls, an S&M performer, and Soozie Twilight, a girl I'd met recently who told me she'd been conceived on acid, were sitting in lawn chairs, drinking out of tall glasses, and talking. Behind them, the L.A. view was clear to the ocean, usually shadowed by smog.

"I may ask if we can do a scene together," Far Out said.


"I'm going to ask Bernard if me and Kirk can do a scene together."

"That's great," I said. "I'm happy for you."

Far Out smiled.

Bernard came into the living room from the porch. "Hey, Shirl," he said. "It's time to eat."

"I didn't know we were going to have a party today," I said.

"Neither did I. But it's such a beautiful day for it." He pointed up to the ceiling.

Far Out jumped out of her chair and ran to the porch. I followed her. Bernard went deeper into the house to find more people.

Soon there were about twenty people outside.

Bernard put hot dogs and hamburgers on a plate from the grill and people came up and started feeding themselves.

Almost everyone I'd met since I started working was on the porch: Bernard, Jay, Far Out, Trashy, Holly, a blonde with premature wrinkles at the sides of her eyes, Ram Baker, Johnny Boyle, Harry Fidelman, a heavily Jewish guy who I liked doing scenes with because he always nervously tried to make me comfortable, Barbie, her real name if you could believe it, Jenny Highsmith, Ivy Falls, Holly Blolightly, Maggie Streets, Laurie Dressing, Celia Brady, Mandy Thursday, and a slew of other people, some of whom I'd met and some I was getting to know. Carny lives, hitchhiker lives, labor lives, struggling lives like myself. They'd all come to the same place. They were people who didn't have a chance in the straight world because they hadn't been given one, and now they didn't even want to bother. They were satisfied with their well-paid, over-sexed freedom.

"First we eat, then we fuck," Bernard said, and everybody laughed.

Everybody was happy, eating and talking and looking at the L.A. lights. The smog seemed to clear for this day. It hadn't even rained the day before.

Eventually, we all went inside. We cleared the living room of furniture, lay blankets over the large Persian rug, took off all our clothes, and did it in one smiling heap. Bernard set up two cameras on either side of the room. Even he took off his clothes and got involved. And he hadn't been in a movie in ten years.

People were slow and warm and considerate, touching lightly and asking what each other wanted. I made out with Trashy and Far Out and Jenny Highsmith. They rubbed my hair delicately. "Mmmn, you're lovely," Jenny said. Some of the men were more aggressive, but then they settled down and enjoyed themselves. Everyone was generous and the sex felt as good as it ever had.

If I could never have a decent home life, the sweetness and care in that room was family how I'd always wanted it.


  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger Vadergrrrl said…

    Wow! your writing never ceases to amaze me. you have so much talent, you really are incredible. you have a future for yourself in whatever you desire. you are so loved and valued.

    Reach for the stars baby, there is one with your name on it.


  • At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Home is one of the most powerful words in existence. It carries a lot of emotional weight with it. It's something that everyone looks for but few people rarely find. It's transitive sometimes, sometimes permanent, but whatever happens, once having found it you are never the same.

    B.T.W.: What color panties are you wearing :)


  • At 6:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    Sweet and tasty.

    Mr M.

  • At 2:30 PM, Blogger Pandora said…

    your blog is absolutely awesome. I know how you feel about getting beat by your dad, I was beat by my father also.Your blog is very captivating.

  • At 4:18 PM, Blogger Vadergrrrl said…

    I just came by to show you some more love. You really are incredible and smart.

    I love reading your writing. You inspire me.

    Hugs for YOU!

  • At 5:46 PM, Blogger Sean from DocintheBox said…

    I agree with the other commenters, wow, awesome blog and writing, you put a great spin on your life. Look forward to reading you in the future!


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