The Story of a Sex Worker

August 26, 2004

Far Out

I went in to Bernard's office to pick up a paycheck and I found Far Out doing the same. Her eyes were wet with tears and they looked red and raw. There was a shiny blue welt under her left eye.

"What happened, sweety?" I said and put my hand on her back.

"Oh, shit, Shirley," she said and started crying.

"Come here," I said and took her to the couch outside Bernard's office.

"He hit me," she said. "The fucker hit me."

"Who did?"


"Your boyfriend?"



"Why? Cause he's a fucker." She stopped and sighed as if that was all the information needed, then said, staring straight in front of her, "Everything was going all right. He was being fine about everything. We were going to do a scene together. I asked if he wanted to come to the set and see how it works, you know, as preparation."

She looked at me with her wet, bruised eyes.

"Right," I said.

"So I did my scene and could see him out of the corner of my eye, which kind of turned me on. I made believe the guy--I don't even remember who the fuck it was- I made believe he was Kirk. I'd done that before but having Kirk in the room got me really into it." She sighed through her mouth as if blowing out smoke. "So on a break he took me into the corner and started yelling at me about how I was enjoying myself too much. I tried to explain to him that I was thinking about him but that just made him angrier. He said that meant I was fucking the other guy the same way I fucked him. But that's not true, Shirl. That's not true at all. He got real angry and he hit me and stormed out."

"God, Cindy, I'm sorry. When did all this happen?"

"This afternoon."

"I'm really sorry."

"Now I'm screwed because I can't work with my eye looking like this." She touched it and winced and looked like she was going to start crying again. "And I can't go home because we live together and he'll be there. I've never felt so fucking lost. Man," she said and briefly smiled at her grief before crying again.

Instinct, I said, "You can stay with me."


"I said you can stay with me."

"Shit, Shirl, I'm not after that. I didn't mean to unload all this on you."

"Don't worry about it. You need to get away from each other. You need some time apart. I don't mind. We're family, right?"

She smiled weakly. "Right," she said.

She came over later that afternoon to my small one-bedroom apartment. I was happy to have Far Out as a guest. The apartment could get lonely. It was small but the feeling of empty space could fill up a stadium when I came home from a day of work. Being alone felt even stranger after a day of so much touching.


  • At 12:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Grrreat post again. You should start charging us!!

  • At 10:27 AM, Blogger Vadergrrrl said…

    You amaze me. For a tough survivor like yourself, you are such an empathetic softie. I luv ya grrrl.

    Your an incredible person.



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